THE COMEDY OF ERRORS Act 4

Scene I A public place

	[Enter Second Merchant, ANGELO, and an Officer]
Second Merchant	You know since Pentecost the sum is due, And since I have not much importuned you; Nor now I had not, but that I am bound To Persia, and want guilders for my voyage: Therefore make present satisfaction, Or I'll attach you by this officer.
ANGELO	Even just the sum that I do owe to you Is growing to me by Antipholus, And in the instant that I met with you He had of me a chain: at five o'clock I shall receive the money for the same. Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house, I will discharge my bond and thank you too.
	[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and DROMIO of Ephesus from the courtezan's]
Officer	That labour may you save: see where he comes.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	While I go to the goldsmith's house, go thou And buy a rope's end: that will I bestow Among my wife and her confederates, For locking me out of my doors by day. But, soft! I see the goldsmith. Get thee gone; Buy thou a rope and bring it home to me.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I buy a thousand pound a year: I buy a rope.
	[Exit]
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	A man is well holp up that trusts to you: I promised your presence and the chain; But neither chain nor goldsmith came to me. Belike you thought our love would last too long, If it were chain'd together, and therefore came not.
ANGELO	Saving your merry humour, here's the note How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat, The fineness of the gold and chargeful fashion. Which doth amount to three odd ducats more Than I stand debted to this gentleman: I pray you, see him presently discharged, For he is bound to sea and stays but for it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	I am not furnish'd with the present money; Besides, I have some business in the town. Good signior, take the stranger to my house And with you take the chain and bid my wife Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof: Perchance I will be there as soon as you.
ANGELO	Then you will bring the chain to her yourself?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	No; bear it with you, lest I come not time enough.
ANGELO	Well, sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	An if I have not, sir, I hope you have; Or else you may return without your money.
ANGELO	Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain: Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman, And I, to blame, have held him here too long.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Good Lord! you use this dalliance to excuse Your breach of promise to the Porpentine. I should have chid you for not bringing it, But, like a shrew, you first begin to brawl.
Second Merchant	The hour steals on; I pray you, sir, dispatch.
ANGELO	You hear how he importunes me;--the chain!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Why, give it to my wife and fetch your money.
ANGELO	Come, come, you know I gave it you even now. Either send the chain or send me by some token.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Fie, now you run this humour out of breath, where's the chain? I pray you, let me see it.
Second Merchant	My business cannot brook this dalliance. Good sir, say whether you'll answer me or no: If not, I'll leave him to the officer.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	I answer you! what should I answer you?
ANGELO	The money that you owe me for the chain.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	I owe you none till I receive the chain.
ANGELO	You know I gave it you half an hour since.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	You gave me none: you wrong me much to say so.
ANGELO	You wrong me more, sir, in denying it: Consider how it stands upon my credit.
Second Merchant	Well, officer, arrest him at my suit.
Officer	I do; and charge you in the duke's name to obey me.
ANGELO	This touches me in reputation. Either consent to pay this sum for me Or I attach you by this officer.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Consent to pay thee that I never had! Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou darest.
ANGELO	Here is thy fee; arrest him, officer, I would not spare my brother in this case, If he should scorn me so apparently.
Officer	I do arrest you, sir: you hear the suit.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	I do obey thee till I give thee bail. But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear As all the metal in your shop will answer.
ANGELO	Sir, sir, I will have law in Ephesus, To your notorious shame; I doubt it not.
	[Enter DROMIO of Syracuse, from the bay]
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, there is a bark of Epidamnum That stays but till her owner comes aboard, And then, sir, she bears away. Our fraughtage, sir, I have convey'd aboard; and I have bought The oil, the balsamum and aqua-vitae. The ship is in her trim; the merry wind Blows fair from land: they stay for nought at all But for their owner, master, and yourself.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	How now! a madman! Why, thou peevish sheep, What ship of Epidamnum stays for me?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope; And told thee to what purpose and what end.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	You sent me for a rope's end as soon: You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	I will debate this matter at more leisure And teach your ears to list me with more heed. To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight: Give her this key, and tell her, in the desk That's cover'd o'er with Turkish tapestry, There is a purse of ducats; let her send it: Tell her I am arrested in the street And that shall bail me; hie thee, slave, be gone! On, officer, to prison till it come.
	[Exeunt Second Merchant, Angelo, Officer, and Antipholus of Ephesus]
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	To Adriana! that is where we dined, Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband: She is too big, I hope, for me to compass. Thither I must, although against my will, For servants must their masters' minds fulfil.
	[Exit]

Scene II The house of ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus

	[Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA]
ADRIANA	Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so? Mightst thou perceive austerely in his eye That he did plead in earnest? yea or no? Look'd he or red or pale, or sad or merrily? What observation madest thou in this case Of his heart's meteors tilting in his face?
LUCIANA	First he denied you had in him no right.
ADRIANA	He meant he did me none; the more my spite.
LUCIANA	Then swore he that he was a stranger here.
ADRIANA	And true he swore, though yet forsworn he were.
LUCIANA	Then pleaded I for you.
ADRIANA	And what said he?
LUCIANA	That love I begg'd for you he begg'd of me.
ADRIANA	With what persuasion did he tempt thy love?
LUCIANA	With words that in an honest suit might move. First he did praise my beauty, then my speech.
ADRIANA	Didst speak him fair?
LUCIANA	Have patience, I beseech.
ADRIANA	I cannot, nor I will not, hold me still; My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will. He is deformed, crooked, old and sere, Ill-faced, worse bodied, shapeless everywhere; Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind; Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
LUCIANA	Who would be jealous then of such a one? No evil lost is wail'd when it is gone.
ADRIANA	Ah, but I think him better than I say, And yet would herein others' eyes were worse. Far from her nest the lapwing cries away: My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse.
	[Enter DROMIO of Syracuse]
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Here! go; the desk, the purse! sweet, now, make haste.
LUCIANA	How hast thou lost thy breath?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	By running fast.
ADRIANA	Where is thy master, Dromio? is he well?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No, he's in Tartar limbo, worse than hell. A devil in an everlasting garment hath him; One whose hard heart is button'd up with steel; A fiend, a fury, pitiless and rough; A wolf, nay, worse, a fellow all in buff; A back-friend, a shoulder-clapper, one that countermands The passages of alleys, creeks and narrow lands; A hound that runs counter and yet draws dryfoot well; One that before the judgement carries poor souls to hell.
ADRIANA	Why, man, what is the matter?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I do not know the matter: he is 'rested on the case.
ADRIANA	What, is he arrested? Tell me at whose suit.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I know not at whose suit he is arrested well; But he's in a suit of buff which 'rested him, that can I tell. Will you send him, mistress, redemption, the money in his desk?
ADRIANA	Go fetch it, sister.
	[Exit Luciana]
	This I wonder at, That he, unknown to me, should be in debt. Tell me, was he arrested on a band?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Not on a band, but on a stronger thing; A chain, a chain! Do you not hear it ring?
ADRIANA	What, the chain?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No, no, the bell: 'tis time that I were gone: It was two ere I left him, and now the clock strikes one.
ADRIANA	The hours come back! that did I never hear.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	O, yes; if any hour meet a sergeant, a' turns back for very fear.
ADRIANA	As if Time were in debt! how fondly dost thou reason!
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Time is a very bankrupt, and owes more than he's worth, to season. Nay, he's a thief too: have you not heard men say That Time comes stealing on by night and day? If Time be in debt and theft, and a sergeant in the way, Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day?
	[Re-enter LUCIANA with a purse]
ADRIANA	Go, Dromio; there's the money, bear it straight; And bring thy master home immediately. Come, sister: I am press'd down with conceit-- Conceit, my comfort and my injury.
	[Exeunt]

Scene III A public place

	[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse]
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	There's not a man I meet but doth salute me As if I were their well-acquainted friend; And every one doth call me by my name. Some tender money to me; some invite me; Some other give me thanks for kindnesses; Some offer me commodities to buy: Even now a tailor call'd me in his shop And show'd me silks that he had bought for me, And therewithal took measure of my body. Sure, these are but imaginary wiles And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.
	[Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE]
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, here's the gold you sent me for. What, have you got the picture of old Adam new-apparelled?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	What gold is this? what Adam dost thou mean?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Not that Adam that kept the Paradise but that Adam that keeps the prison: he that goes in the calf's skin that was killed for the Prodigal; he that came behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid you forsake your liberty.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I understand thee not.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No? why, 'tis a plain case: he that went, like a bass-viol, in a case of leather; the man, sir, that, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a sob and 'rests them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed men and gives them suits of durance; he that sets up his rest to do more exploits with his mace than a morris-pike.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	What, thou meanest an officer?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band, he that brings any man to answer it that breaks his band; one that thinks a man always going to bed, and says, 'God give you good rest!'
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Well, sir, there rest in your foolery. Is there any
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Why, sir, I brought you word an hour since that the bark Expedition put forth to-night; and then were you hindered by the sergeant, to tarry for the hoy Delay. Here are the angels that you sent for to deliver you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	The fellow is distract, and so am I; And here we wander in illusions: Some blessed power deliver us from hence!
	[Enter a Courtezan]
Courtezan	Well met, well met, Master Antipholus. I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now: Is that the chain you promised me to-day?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Satan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, is this Mistress Satan?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	It is the devil.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Nay, she is worse, she is the devil's dam; and here she comes in the habit of a light wench: and thereof comes that the wenches say 'God damn me;' that's as much to say 'God make me a light wench.' It is written, they appear to men like angels of light: light is an effect of fire, and fire will burn; ergo, light wenches will burn. Come not near her.
Courtezan	Your man and you are marvellous merry, sir. Will you go with me? We'll mend our dinner here?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, if you do, expect spoon-meat; or bespeak a long spoon.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Why, Dromio?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, he must have a long spoon that must eat with the devil.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Avoid then, fiend! what tell'st thou me of supping? Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress: I conjure thee to leave me and be gone.
Courtezan	Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner, Or, for my diamond, the chain you promised, And I'll be gone, sir, and not trouble you.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Some devils ask but the parings of one's nail, A rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin, A nut, a cherry-stone; But she, more covetous, would have a chain. Master, be wise: an if you give it her, The devil will shake her chain and fright us with it.
Courtezan	I pray you, sir, my ring, or else the chain: I hope you do not mean to cheat me so.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Avaunt, thou witch! Come, Dromio, let us go.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	'Fly pride,' says the peacock: mistress, that you know.
	[Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse]
Courtezan	Now, out of doubt Antipholus is mad, Else would he never so demean himself. A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats, And for the same he promised me a chain: Both one and other he denies me now. The reason that I gather he is mad, Besides this present instance of his rage, Is a mad tale he told to-day at dinner, Of his own doors being shut against his entrance. Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits, On purpose shut the doors against his way. My way is now to hie home to his house, And tell his wife that, being lunatic, He rush'd into my house and took perforce My ring away. This course I fittest choose; For forty ducats is too much to lose.
	[Exit]

Scene IV A street

	[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and the Officer]
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Fear me not, man; I will not break away: I'll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money, To warrant thee, as I am 'rested for. My wife is in a wayward mood to-day, And will not lightly trust the messenger That I should be attach'd in Ephesus, I tell you, 'twill sound harshly in her ears.
	[Enter DROMIO of Ephesus with a rope's-end]
	Here comes my man; I think he brings the money. How now, sir! have you that I sent you for?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Here's that, I warrant you, will pay them all.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	But where's the money?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I'll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	To a rope's-end, sir; and to that end am I returned.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	And to that end, sir, I will welcome you.
	[Beating him]
Officer	Good sir, be patient.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Nay, 'tis for me to be patient; I am in adversity.
Officer	Good, now, hold thy tongue.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Thou whoreson, senseless villain!
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel your blows.
ANTIPHOLUS	Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an ass.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I am an ass, indeed; you may prove it by my long ears. I have served him from the hour of my nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his hands for my service but blows. When I am cold, he heats me with beating; when I am warm, he cools me with beating; I am waked with it when I sleep; raised with it when I sit; driven out of doors with it when I go from home; welcomed home with it when I return; nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a beggar wont her brat; and, I think when he hath lamed me, I shall beg with it from door to door.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Come, go along; my wife is coming yonder.
	[Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, the Courtezan, and PINCH]
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Mistress, 'respice finem,' respect your end; or rather, the prophecy like the parrot, 'beware the rope's-end.'
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Wilt thou still talk?
	[Beating him]
Courtezan	How say you now? is not your husband mad?
ADRIANA	His incivility confirms no less. Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer; Establish him in his true sense again, And I will please you what you will demand.
LUCIANA	Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks!
Courtezan	Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy!
PINCH	Give me your hand and let me feel your pulse.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.
	[Striking him]
PINCH	I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man, To yield possession to my holy prayers And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight: I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Peace, doting wizard, peace! I am not mad.
ADRIANA	O, that thou wert not, poor distressed soul!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	You minion, you, are these your customers? Did this companion with the saffron face Revel and feast it at my house to-day, Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut And I denied to enter in my house?
ADRIANA	O husband, God doth know you dined at home; Where would you had remain'd until this time, Free from these slanders and this open shame!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Dined at home! Thou villain, what sayest thou?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Were not my doors lock'd up and I shut out?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Perdie, your doors were lock'd and you shut out.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	And did not she herself revile me there?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Sans fable, she herself reviled you there.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Certes, she did; the kitchen-vestal scorn'd you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	And did not I in rage depart from thence?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	In verity you did; my bones bear witness, That since have felt the vigour of his rage.
ADRIANA	Is't good to soothe him in these contraries?
PINCH	It is no shame: the fellow finds his vein, And yielding to him humours well his frenzy.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Thou hast suborn'd the goldsmith to arrest me.
ADRIANA	Alas, I sent you money to redeem you, By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Money by me! heart and goodwill you might; But surely master, not a rag of money.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Went'st not thou to her for a purse of ducats?
ADRIANA	He came to me and I deliver'd it.
LUCIANA	And I am witness with her that she did.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	God and the rope-maker bear me witness That I was sent for nothing but a rope!
PINCH	Mistress, both man and master is possess'd; I know it by their pale and deadly looks: They must be bound and laid in some dark room.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Say, wherefore didst thou lock me forth to-day? And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?
ADRIANA	I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	And, gentle master, I received no gold; But I confess, sir, that we were lock'd out.
ADRIANA	Dissembling villain, thou speak'st false in both.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all; And art confederate with a damned pack To make a loathsome abject scorn of me: But with these nails I'll pluck out these false eyes That would behold in me this shameful sport.
	[Enter three or four, and offer to bind him. He strives]
ADRIANA	O, bind him, bind him! let him not come near me.
PINCH	More company! The fiend is strong within him.
LUCIANA	Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	What, will you murder me? Thou gaoler, thou, I am thy prisoner: wilt thou suffer them To make a rescue?
Officer	Masters, let him go He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.
PINCH	Go bind this man, for he is frantic too.
	[They offer to bind Dromio of Ephesus]
ADRIANA	What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer? Hast thou delight to see a wretched man Do outrage and displeasure to himself?
Officer	He is my prisoner: if I let him go, The debt he owes will be required of me.
ADRIANA	I will discharge thee ere I go from thee: Bear me forthwith unto his creditor, And, knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it. Good master doctor, see him safe convey'd Home to my house. O most unhappy day!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	O most unhappy strumpet!
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Master, I am here entered in bond for you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Out on thee, villain! wherefore dost thou mad me?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Will you be bound for nothing? be mad, good master: cry 'The devil!'
LUCIANA	God help, poor souls, how idly do they talk!
ADRIANA	Go bear him hence. Sister, go you with me.
	[Exeunt all but Adriana, Luciana, Officer and Courtezan]
	Say now, whose suit is he arrested at?
Officer	One Angelo, a goldsmith: do you know him?
ADRIANA	I know the man. What is the sum he owes?
Officer	Two hundred ducats.
ADRIANA	Say, how grows it due?
Officer	Due for a chain your husband had of him.
ADRIANA	He did bespeak a chain for me, but had it not.
Courtezan	When as your husband all in rage to-day Came to my house and took away my ring-- The ring I saw upon his finger now-- Straight after did I meet him with a chain.
ADRIANA	It may be so, but I did never see it. Come, gaoler, bring me where the goldsmith is: I long to know the truth hereof at large.
	[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse with his rapier drawn, and DROMIO of Syracuse]
LUCIANA	God, for thy mercy! they are loose again.
ADRIANA	And come with naked swords. Let's call more help to have them bound again.
Officer	Away! they'll kill us.
	[Exeunt all but Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse]
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I see these witches are afraid of swords.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	She that would be your wife now ran from you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Come to the Centaur; fetch our stuff from thence: I long that we were safe and sound aboard.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Faith, stay here this night; they will surely do us no harm: you saw they speak us fair, give us gold: methinks they are such a gentle nation that, but for the mountain of mad flesh that claims marriage of me, I could find in my heart to stay here still and turn witch.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I will not stay to-night for all the town; Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard.
	[Exeunt]

The Comedy of Errors Act 5

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